Monday, February 22, 2010

Lucky Number Five

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." I've learned how much I love you while watching your heart be broken by yet again another girl you've fallen head over heals for. Sometimes I can't even listen to what you have to say to me without getting teary eyed and upset for selfish reasons. If you love her so much, how will you ever love me? What if this is all just a fantasy that will never happen? She asked you "If you were dying, what three people would you choose to speak to?" and the first person that came to your mind was me. Not her, me. So why aren't we, us? How come you can chase after her sleeplessly and forget everything else in the world, but she doesn't want anything to do with you? Why am I not the girl you're chasing after? Maybe we'll only ever be best friends. I'm too scared to lose you. I don't want to tell you and have you be scared. I don't want it to change and not be the way it has been since even before I met you. Can we make it work without losing the best friendship we've ever had? When you tell me you love me, I want to know if it means more. Do you want to love me to fall in love or to make a lifelong friendship? Because I'm not sure how much longer I can go before I break. I DO want to tell you. But I DON'T want this to change what we are, who we are. Let go of her; She's hurting you and making you insane. "And if it helps, you'd be the first person I'd want to talk to too. I want to talk to you forever."

In The Womb we became best friends. I can tell you anything, everything. But that kind of trust and dedication has led to love, I think that's what it is anyway. Non judgemental, patient, caring, dedication. Brilliant.

Your Sarcasm keeps me on my feet. Our relationship is the epitome of screwed up honesty. You've taught me so much about myself and who and what I want to be. You're strength is so contagious. Just be you for you, and no one else.

Strange ways of going about things. You'll never tell me you need to talk or that something is wrong. You just say it, and let me analyse. You never complain and you're always so helpful. Your priorities are everywhere. You appear to have your shit in gear, but you have no idea what you want out of life and I think that's admirable. Just live your life.

It all started with The Number Four. You picked up your jersey and I told you to keep the legend alive. Then everyone started calling you my mini me and you were for a while, but then you turned into you. Like Strange Ways you constantly feel the need to be in control and to be on steady ground. Sometimes conflict and confrontation are necessary. "I really think that tragedy molds people. I mean, how else do you find out who you really are?"

Princess. Because there isn't a better word to describe your character. You're demanding, yet terrified of having what you want. I value your advice so much more than you'll ever know. Our friendship started so awkwardly and nonchalant. But I think I like it that way. There were no preconceived notions. Non judgemental and fair, you respect me being the "little one," and I love you for that. We are the epitome of opposite attract.

Other than my family, I guess you're the Lucky Five at this point in my life. You all mean the world to me and I could never ask for anything more. Never change who you are.

And My Dancer, I'll see you again somewhere, someday. Even though you're gone, you're always here. I love and miss you.

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