Stand Back Up

But if you look me in the eyes, and tell me we'll be alright, and you promise never to leave, you just might make me believe.

Sometimes you've got to lose 'til you win, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, 'cause it'll be alright again.

Stay true to yourself.

I may stumble, yeah I might fall. I'm only human, but aren't we all?

It's hard to say what it is I see in you, wonder if I'll always be with you.

What do you want from me?

My door is always open. You make the choice whether you walk in or not.

Flash Forward And We're Taking On The World Together

This is where I need to be, want to be, have to be. I'm doing this for me. I don't get why it's so hard for you to see why I am the way I am, but we're us. This isn't anything we don't have the power to work through. All good captains go down with their ships but we're staying afloat. If there were to be disaster, I hope we can both hold onto pieces of the wreckage. We can this. We've just got to stand back up.

Raise Your Glass

I'm happy that you are happy. You have what you deserve and nothing less. Now keep it that way because I love the new you ;)

I'm L, Nice To Meet Cha!

Some days I really miss blogging, today being one of them. This one goes out to Mark Zuckerberg, or the producers of The Social Network anyways, for reminding me that awesome ideas stem from writing-err typing?- out your thoughts. I've been working out every morning at 6:30 AM for almost four weeks now with the Wicked Witch of the West. Who would have thought? Our relationship has done a complete 180 from where it was at this point last year. Not only is she tolerable, but I enjoy and savor spending time with her. Sometimes she's just really easy to talk to. Although it's usually terrifying, I'm almost always guaranteed an honest answer, whether it's what I want to hear or not, but it's good to know that those people are still out there. Anyways, working out has been awesome. It feels good to get in shape, or at least attempt to. The rough mornings start to get me excited for softball season again, but then I think about how absolutely horrible it's going to be this year. I still can't believe the BOE took our coach from us. I mean come on, let the players play, the coaches coach, and the parents spectate, NOT run the show! Ugh, I can not talk about this without getting heated. I just wonder if I'm going to be able to leisurely enjoy something that has been so serious and intense, especially over the last few years. I feel like I'm not going to have anyone encouraging or pushing me like in the past and that scares me. Will the softball drama ever end?
Senior year has been alright. Nice and relaxing and I love that. Since when has school been nice and relaxing for me? I feel like I should be a lot more excited about senior year, but like they say "Once you have it, all you want is more." It just doesn't feel like anything special like I thought it would. But that's alright, because I'm enjoying it anyways. Tennis just ended. I'm happy it's over. It was just starting to become much more of a hassle than anything else.
I interviewed at Adidas today. I'm not sure how I feel about working in retail, but I need the extra cash and the discount at a sporting goods store doesn't hurt! And I get to wear bummy clothes to work! Does that not scream Haleigh Brown? But other than that, I don't think much else is new and exciting. I guess I'll leave it at that!

I'll Miss Everything About You, Without You

A year ago today I never thought I'd be rooting for someone that I thought made my life hell. Growing up I've come to realize and appreciate this relationship more than I ever thought I would. I've learned so much about myself and come to love such a "silly little game." I'm not ready to give this up. No one is. I don't want to see the Wicked Witch of the West in tears anymore. Someone has to put an end to all this shit and I hope the power of a few 15-17 year old girls can pull through just this once. Top Five Things She's Taught Me: Class, Discipline, Faith, Leadership, Drive. I'm gonna rock this speech. Watch out Board of Education.

Smilin' just to see the smile upon your face

I think I needed a vacation to remind myself that not everything in the world is out to get me. "Vacation is good for you! You look so tan and happy!" I never thought digging my feet into hot sand and jumping into huge waves could be so damn theraputic. Somehow it was just so easy to forget about the troubles of home like lost friendships (more to come later) and school which is slowly creeping up behind me, UGH! Days filled with Luka and drunken nights slammed with alcohol and drugs couldn't have helped me more in a time like this one. But sure enough as soon as I come home things begin to go haywire again! Two shocking but semi-expected text messages within fifteen minutes of one another. The first, Megan reminding me of our plans for Sara Evans on Tuesday that we've had since May. I don't know if I should suck it up and go with her and see if I have fun or stand my ground and wait for an appology. I just want her to see how much her selfishness is hurting me, but is it worth losing one of the most fun-filled friendships I've ever had? The second, Connor. What else is new. Crawl in, crawl out. I want you, you hate me. You want me, I give in momentarily only to follow with something along the lines of "we're better as friends." Sounds similiar to someone else I know! ;)

I know I haven't written in a long time and there's so much to say and millions of emotions that go hand-in-hand with everything that's happened this summer and I promise myself to go back and write about all of them.. eventually. BUT for the mean time, here's a list of the absolutely insane shit happening in my life from June to August of 2010: I got hired as a lifeguard at the Country Club with Meg. We spent the last two weeks of June and the first two weeks of July being together nonstop bouncing from one house to another somewhat leading to the downfall of our crazy friendship. My Dad had a heart attack on July 1st. He spent 3 weeks in the ICU and I'm so happy he's okay because it scared me shitless. Kristine and I have spent much less time together this summer than we ever have since our friendship began. Partially because we both worked 40 hours and then some every week and because I spent every ounce of my spare time with Meg while she went to Al's races and country concerts all over Western New York. But no fail, we're talking again and I can almost guarantee when school starts, we'll be inseperable again. She really is one of the best friends I've ever had. <3 I got in a car accident July 20th and bounced back and forth between St. Mary's and Children's with severe neck and back pain. I'm feeling a lot better now, but I learned a lot from the accident both physically and emotionally. Taylor and I grew a lot closer because of this I think. Her geniune support amazed me and she listened to me cry about my issues and offered me great advice. Thanks again dudey. ;) I went to see John Mayer, FINALLY! Just as great as I thought he'd be. I also went and toured at Geneseo and the campus is absolutely beautiful. It makes me excited for college, but this whole search is making me so nostalgic. August 18th was a year for Papa. I hated seeing Dad so sad, but I know he understands that Papa is better off now. I think Dad has some unresolved issues with not being able to say goodbye. :( Then there was Long Beach of course. A vacation done the right way. <3

What I have to look forward to this week: Tennis starts tomorrow! I definitely shouldn't be going back to intense physical activity yet because of the accident, but I'm going to try and see how it gos. The new Katy Perry CD comes out Tuesday! (I know I'm a dork, but I LOVE KP) Sara Evans is Tuesday night at Artpark. I absolutely hate Tuesdays in the Park with all my heart, but who can pass up a free Sara Evans concert? Certainly not me! So we'll see how everything goes. Once again my life in up in the air, but at this particular moment in time, I'm kinda happy <3

Blog certainly needed, blog well deserved. Happy to get all that shit on paper! (Well, you know what I mean!)

P-U-N-K

I wish I was still completely naive to the evils of the world. I want to believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. I want to have a boyfriend from my Kindergarten class. I want to spend the summer holding my breath for as long as I can in filtered swimming pools and yelling "Mommy, watch this!" as I jump off the diving board. I want to put on fake make up, sunglasses, boas, and high heels and strut like I'm a princess. I want to eat mac and cheese and hot dogs for lunch everyday. I want to believe that life is lived day to day and what is in front of me today will be with me tomorrow. I want to be open hearted to individuals coming into my life for the first time.

I'm becoming amazed at the way children live and how precious it really is to be a kid. No one else is the world is as accepting and compassionate as the little one that have become a huge part of my life, especially lately. I want her to stay little forever and realize that there's nothing brilliant or spectacular to growing up. I want her to laugh hysterically when I tickle her and chase her around the house. I want her to tell me loves me and even when I feel like my world has been turned upside down. I want her to always run and jump to hug me whenever I see her. I love the way she whispers in my ear to rub to belly as she's falling asleep snuggling with the same blanket as I am. I'm so thankful to have such a beautiful little girl in my life even when she is a punk. It's almost impossible to say thank you for everything she's taught me just by being herself.