Monday, February 7, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
I've been sleeping with the lights on baby, I know it drives you crazy
breaking down and coming undone, it's a rollercoaster kind of rush, and I never knew I could feel that much, and that's the way I loved you.
We both constantly toy with the boarder line of chaos and sanity. That's what the roller coaster is. We always wanna push, and want a little bit more. It's never enough, is it? We straped in knowing there was an up hill climb, but at that point I think we were too excited to realize that at some point, the up hill climb ends and we hang there and wait for the drop to come. Sometimes I think we want the drop to come as quick as possible because the climb back up is so satisfying and nostalgic. But the landslides aren't good. I really think it is possible to live comfortabley on the edge of crazy, because crazy is what we both need. Crazy keeps the fire burning, crazy keeps us alive. Let's keep burning the stares and dirty looks. Every one of them is designed to make us fight a little more. Fighting is what keeps us alive. I'm not in it to win it, I'm in it for the fight, because that fight, that up hill climb, and you, are totally and entirely worth it, always.
Libra, hold tight to all your beliefs today. The essence of your character may be tested.
Aquarius, you're the center of your universe, so don't feel bad when you put yourself first. Try some new activity today. Your amazing mental energy is seeking out new experiences and new people, so it's not much of a stretch to dig up something fun you've never done before.
Monday, January 17, 2011
when life hands you heartache...
What the fuck happened to "When the stormy winds of life threaten to knock you down, may you have the courage to spread your wings and fly!"
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Hear You Me
Breathe in, breathe out. I became so lost in that feeling that is impossible to elucidate. I can not recollect what it feels like once it dissipates. My body goes numb. My chest feels like it is sustaining the weight of the world and the taste of salty tears builds up in my throat as I try to swallow. My rootless mind, which never shuts off, becomes vacant. I had no idea that after that phone call from a friend, I was about to enter the most tumultuous, but indispensable nine months of my life thus far. Breathe in, breathe out.
I was only thirteen. To outsiders, just a naïve child, but to those who knew me, I was a kid far beyond my years. I have always been commended on my maturity and how I take passion and pride in the things that I hold close to my heart. But this time, I wasn’t who everyone expected me to be in the face of disaster. During the blistering summer of July of 2007, I was told that my dance teacher, Denise, was killed in a car accident. Until then, I had never lost someone to death that I cared about so completely and unconditionally. I didn’t know how to react, feel, or cope. I isolated myself, shutting out others who wanted in. I began thinking and questioning everything that happened in my lifetime and became perturbed and severely depressed when I couldn’t find the answers. But, I became determined to understand the way I was feeling and started to realize that every single person in the world exists for a reason and it was time for me to figure out why it is I am here. Through all of these setbacks, I managed to learn my role in the world is going to change, but I need to be strong enough to face misfortune and never lose a sense of myself. I discovered death isn’t the end of living and I want to change someone’s outlook on life the way Denise changed mine.
I was almost sixteen. To outsiders, a studious, hardworking girl, but to those who knew me, a strong individual who has developed and become confident in my identity the last few years. It was August of 2009. My parents came back from the hospital with news that my Papa had passed away. Naturally, such a heartrending tragedy felt like a slap in the face. I was devastated that the only man I’d seen conquer so many battles finally put his weapon down. But, the second time around it became so much easier to cope with. I remembered that I needed to hold onto the things my Papa taught me and what role he played in my life. I was proud of my ability to take the positive out of such a displeasing situation and I noticed evolution within myself that I never thought possible. I am proud of who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming.
Sometimes that feeling comes back. I still don’t know how to explain it, or why it is there, but I have learned that after the bad feeling dies, something beautiful is brought to life. As I grow older, I have come to learn lessons from all individuals I cross paths with in my life and allow every one of them to shape the way I live my life. Breathe in, breathe out.
I was only thirteen. To outsiders, just a naïve child, but to those who knew me, I was a kid far beyond my years. I have always been commended on my maturity and how I take passion and pride in the things that I hold close to my heart. But this time, I wasn’t who everyone expected me to be in the face of disaster. During the blistering summer of July of 2007, I was told that my dance teacher, Denise, was killed in a car accident. Until then, I had never lost someone to death that I cared about so completely and unconditionally. I didn’t know how to react, feel, or cope. I isolated myself, shutting out others who wanted in. I began thinking and questioning everything that happened in my lifetime and became perturbed and severely depressed when I couldn’t find the answers. But, I became determined to understand the way I was feeling and started to realize that every single person in the world exists for a reason and it was time for me to figure out why it is I am here. Through all of these setbacks, I managed to learn my role in the world is going to change, but I need to be strong enough to face misfortune and never lose a sense of myself. I discovered death isn’t the end of living and I want to change someone’s outlook on life the way Denise changed mine.
I was almost sixteen. To outsiders, a studious, hardworking girl, but to those who knew me, a strong individual who has developed and become confident in my identity the last few years. It was August of 2009. My parents came back from the hospital with news that my Papa had passed away. Naturally, such a heartrending tragedy felt like a slap in the face. I was devastated that the only man I’d seen conquer so many battles finally put his weapon down. But, the second time around it became so much easier to cope with. I remembered that I needed to hold onto the things my Papa taught me and what role he played in my life. I was proud of my ability to take the positive out of such a displeasing situation and I noticed evolution within myself that I never thought possible. I am proud of who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming.
Sometimes that feeling comes back. I still don’t know how to explain it, or why it is there, but I have learned that after the bad feeling dies, something beautiful is brought to life. As I grow older, I have come to learn lessons from all individuals I cross paths with in my life and allow every one of them to shape the way I live my life. Breathe in, breathe out.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Find Your Center
"Setting your own pace and sticking to it despite outside pressures to hurry up or slow down can bring you enormous satisfaction this year. Being the master of your own universe, as much as you can, will enrich the quality of your life. Making peace with inner conflicts is worth much more than getting along with others. That's because you're redefining who you are from the inside out. When you respect, trust, and love yourself, success in relationships is bound to follow."
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Take Me As I Am
Guard up, guard down. Different pages, all the time. Getting aggrivated with the hidden fuck yous. Maybe that's not what it's supposed to be, but that's what it FEELS like, and I can't change that. Conquer a mountain, slide down a valley. No fail, everytime. What's it gonna take to get it right? I need to delete this stupid thing before it gets me in more trouble than it already has. UGH!!!
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